Murder on the dancefloor

Lately my life has become a chain of parties that seem to stop only to make room for others. It's incredibile, really. I have never acted my age, ever since i've known myself, mainly for the reason that i often considered such hedonist activities way beneath my intelectual depth. I guess that would explain why i almost never went to parties in highschool, why I was always the "boring" one who rathered read a book or have a conversation about philosophy than go out. It's amazing how even though i was always so picky with the intelectual abilities of the people who surounded me, I still always managed to be desired in almost any group of people i've met, whether they proved to be luxorious and snobish or poor but adventurous , intelectuals or full of shalowness, you name it. It's mostly because i believe a real intelligent human being can ajust to any type of situation and person.

And as I was saying, lately I've started exploring new sides of my personality that i didn't even know existed. Or let me rephase that - I knew they existed but i definetly never thought they would respond to such stimulus.

Ok, so I finally started acting like i'm in my twenties, mostly for an experiment to prove myself i am capable of that. But even so, after all the flashy lights, the loud music that sounded like noise, the drinking and smoking and making out with women against my better judgement only because "it's fun", after all the frenzy, i find myself lying in bed the next day, smoking slowly but with imense passion a cigarette while contemplating about the drug of this sweet exhaustion upon one's body, mind, life. And i realised that in such states you forget about yourself, about your issues, about yesterday or tomorrow. It's just another method people use in order to distract themselves from recognising their own reality. They convince themselves they're "living on the edge", that they're enjoying every second like there's no tomorrow, when in fact they are all lonely souls hoping the next bar they will show up at will host that incredible happiness they're looking for. And you end up in the company of some guy that buys you a drink, have sex with in his car, and never call him/hear from him again. And it's all fun, it's all excitement..untill you wake up. That's when you look around and you realise the room you were in last night looked better from what you remembered it to be, a bit more colourfull, a bit more misterious..just a bit more. Kinda like what you remember your life to be ,last time you took the time to check.